Updated: Jul 7, 2020
| This is the 193rd story of Our Life Logs |
“I’m kicking you out. Come get your stuff.”
I was 16 when I read this devastating text from my stepfather. No money. No job. And now homeless.
I grew up in the 1990s in the countryside of Latvia, we had herds of cows, three dogs, and five cats, and for days and days I reveled in the rich, green farmland. My parents split up when I was very little, but it did not break the peacefulness of my childhood. My mother remarried when I was five, and we continued our life in the deep countryside until I was about 14. Then we started our family business in the nearest city where my stepfather opened a pub, and we, as a family, shared in the success of his business.
So, I was making good money (for a 14-year-old) as a waitress and bartender (you could get away with a lot in Latvia in those days). While I was an (increasing) pain-in-the-ass, I always was at work on time and kept up with my studies. My parents seemed happy, and I lived like any normal teenager. I thought life would stay like this.
I guess things turned south when I was about 16. My mother and stepfather decided to get a divorce. My mother didn’t have money for her own place, so she moved into her friend’s small apartment, and agreed to let me continue living with my stepfather. I didn’t think this would be a problem, but when my stepfather said that he would adopt me, things became complicated. Knowing that his intention was to get government aid, my father gave him a big NO.
So then what? My father had stopped the adoption, but he couldn’t take me in, either. He had his own family to take care of and things were complicated on that side too! I didn’t feel abandoned because I knew life was not easy for anyone (I commend my 16-year-old self for being surprisingly understanding!).
So, there I was, 16 and homeless. All the simplicity of my adolescence, gone in an instant.
That time in my life was painful. When I look back on all the change and loss, I feel nothing but gratitude for my friends. They took turns letting me sleep over at their houses until I could find a place to live. And eventually, I did. I found a student hostel that was cheap, costing less than two Euros a day, with a bed, a place to wash your clothes, a kitchen, a toilet—everything you need to live. So, while my mother tried to make herself a life, I, too, was just trying to do everything right.
If you can imagine, I had every opportunity to create a mess for myself. I ran around with a group of older friends, I didn’t inherently love school, and I had no one telling me to be my best. However, I did have a picture of what it was like to be stuck in a problem, and I did not want to drown in it for the rest of my life. I just decided that I would have to make wise choices every day.
It is much easier to simply tell you what I learned than it was to actually learn it for myself. I was no longer making or spending money, rather, I was scraping the bottom of my wallet so I could put a meal on my table and build a savings for university. When I didn’t want to study, I studied. When I was too exhausted to work after a long day of school, I went anyway. When I didn’t think I could survive if I worked another job, I applied. It was hard! But life could be a lot harder if I didn’t start climbing now.
I stayed in the student hostel for the rest of my school year, taking any job that I could to make a living. After high school, my mom was finally able to afford a small two-bedroom apartment for us to live in together. Time to rest, right? Well, after two years of fending for myself, I had forgotten what “rest” really meant.
Furthermore, my time at university changed me. It made me think differently, it gave weight to my dreams, but even that wasn’t without a fight. In the beginning, I was denied financial aid (unbeknownst to me, students had to pay for their first semester before receiving any funding—crazy!) and the amount they were asking was way more than I had saved up. You had better believe that I burst into tears. That day in the administration office, I felt the world was surely ending. I cried, “This is what I want to do! Everything is awful! Now I’ll never get a higher education!” What I meant was, Now I’ll never get out.
Finally, my father stepped in and paid my first fee, but then I was back on my own—and I vowed to pay it all back. I worked days, nights, and went to classes in between. I would get home at 4am, sleep an hour, and then get up and do it all over again. It was a miracle I passed my classes, and it was more than a miracle that I managed to keep a social life and have a boyfriend!
By my last year, I was completely burnt out. I dropped all the jobs I had—sans one low-stress position I had in a quiet little shop (this was my idea of “rest”) where I could work on my thesis and make a few euros. During my last year, I was also required to do an internship (read: I had an advertising company agree to sign off on me learning from them when I never actually worked with them, as was the Latvian thing to do due to lack of resources). This fit in fine with my schedule, and it made for a confusing surprise when the company offered me a job after I graduated in 2012. I guess they wanted to make up for lost time! Anyway, I was so thankful to get real-world experience.
I learned (though I should have guessed by this point) that the “real-world” is a lot of figuring out how to do everything on your own. I also found out that “theory” learned at university doesn’t cleanly translate to the day-to-day workings of a business (go figure). Thankfully, I loved these challenges. I loved the adrenaline of advertising, moving from project to project, and particularly, the happiness I felt while working on the graphic design parts of projects.
I had worked so hard all my life to climb out of a problem that I had never wished to create. I had learned to hope when things were dark, to fight when no one was in my corner, and most of all, I learned how to get dressed and ready in record time! So, when I realized I longed for what was beyond the ground level, I knew I had to keep going.
I applied for a couple schools including The Latvian Art Directors Club, a very prestigious advertising school. While I was ranked 18 on the list of applicants, I had done so in a year they only accepted 15. At that time, I was actually studying in another school to gain a degree in multimedia. At the end of the school year I found out that The Latvian Art Directors Club decided to accept more students and offered me a spot. If the best school in the country wanted me, I must have been doing something right!
The next few years was another classic juggling act for me. Trying to balance my multimedia program, the Latvian club school, and my advertising job was impossible! I would have to complete projects for school, then present new ideas to real clients through my job, and remember to breathe all along the way.
So, what happened? In 2015, I finished the multimedia course and a year later, proudly received my Advertising Degree from the Latvian Arts Directors Club. I finished the juggling act once and for all. No longer was I drowning. I had come from the bottom and risen to the top, and as I gazed out in the beauty of it all—if I may be so blunt—I was proud. Really proud.
There are days when I am sitting for a nice dinner, or resting in my apartment after a long day of work when I think back to my tiny room in the student hostel, or the screeching of my 4 am alarm. I remember the choices I made—to study, to put my feet on the floor and begin the day, to accept help, and to make the most of every opportunity. I thank my 16-year-old self for her bravery, and I continue to make wise choices. It is not an easy life, but it is a happy one.
This is the story of Baiba Grina
Baiba lives in Latvia with her boyfriend in an apartment where she works from home on freelance advertising and graphic design projects. She hopes to start a business with her boyfriend with the next few years. After seeing her mother struggle after divorcing her step-father, Baiba wanted better for herself. After getting kicked out by her step-father at 16 after the divorce, she was forced to adapt to her situation and work hard to survive even if it meant overworking herself. After nearly 10 years of making wise choices, she feels she can finally relax after gaining great experience and three degrees. In her free time, Baiba loves going to the gym, playing sports, and going hiking. She hopes to travel with her boyfriend around the world someday. Now that she has stopped overworking herself, Baiba plans to spend more time with her friends and family. She hopes to eventually get married and start a family and plans to teach her kids the value of hard work. Recently Baiba reconnected with her father and is trying to mend their relationship that was always strained.
This story first touched our hearts on October 9, 2018.
| Writer: Kristen Petronio | Editors: MJ; Colleen Walker |