Updated: Jul 13, 2020
| This is the 60th story of Our Life Logs |
Much of my early life, I was told that I was strange and dumb. I never had a good self-esteem. As I grew up, I had terrible experiences and nearly got raped a couple of times. I felt like I would never find happiness. Then I found Kingsley.
I was born in the summer of 1993 in Suleja, Nigeria. My mom is a teacher, and my dad is a business man. I struggled with a sense of inferiority from an early age. My mom always said that I had a strange personality and I was abnormal. I grew up not believing in myself because everything I did was criticized. The way I walked and talked had people view me as a weird, senseless person. I also had bedwetting problems until I was 17 and felt it was disgraceful.
I thought I would never get over my struggle with bedwetting. I remember my parents took me to various churches for deliverance sessions as it was thought to be a spiritual problem, but nothing helped. I planned to live with it for the rest of my life. I decided that I would adopt a kid and be a single mom in the future, because I didn’t think I was going to ever get married. Nobody would want to marry a lady who wets the bed, I convinced myself.
Fortunately, the bedwetting stopped right before I went to college. What a wonderful surprise! I finally felt some relief. However, college life didn’t start off great. Just like in my childhood and early teenage years, I was mocked by people in my university who thought I was stupid, senseless and dirty. I placed my primary focus on studies and not on my looks, and apparently that had made me a target for mocking.
The encounter with my first love, Richard, however, made it all different. I was 18 when I first met Richard in college. He is a tall, dark and muscular guy with a rough face. He loved me the way I was. He was the first and only one who truly understood me in the midst of all the misunderstanding that people had about me. It was a breath of fresh air.
He told me how my presence in his life had consoled him. His mother died when he was little. Shortly before he met me, he lost his father, too. We helped each other heal.
We had a truly romantic relationship at the beginning. I remember he took me out on a motorcycle ride one day. Even though the high speed scared me, I enjoyed the ride thoroughly. I felt safe holding onto his back. I was so in love.
We had our first kiss, but we never had sex, and that unfortunately challenged our relationship. Richard started having doubts of my love for him. He believed that I was not proud of him because he was an orphan. He felt that I didn’t trust him enough to give him my body. I argued that I loved him, but that obviously wasn’t convincing enough and we got into a fight. We both felt hurt and eventually, stopped talking.
During our break in communication, he had gone into fights and had been in jail for several times. I was unaware of those incidents until a few years later when we got in touch again. I knew that the future held nothing for us and we broke up for good.
In my third year of college in 2013, I had to do an industrial training (a mandatory internship required by the school) for six months. During that time, I got to know a guy named Samuel. He called me, and we talked many times over the phone. Nice and harmless he seemed, so we became friends.
On a faithful Saturday after my internship finished, I decided to go and see him. He was quick to make sexual advances on me and I declined. As it was getting late, I couldn’t go back to school, so I slept over, which was a mistake.
Around 4am, I wanted to get up but was quickly held down by Samuel. It was like he was possessed by a demon. I fought against him, but he was strong. He tore my underwear and was determined to have sex with me. I cried to God to rescue me, and He did. The mighty aggressive lion which was on top of its prey, ready to devour, stopped, as if it were dragged up by a mightier power. Samuel climbed down from my body, and I sprinted to the toilet, locking the door behind me. He banged on the door. My heart pounded with fear. I could feel his anger. I started crying and praying while I held back the door with all my strength.
A sudden knock on the front door by his neighbor came to my rescue. After his neighbor left, Samuel started regaining his senses. He begged me to come out and promised he wouldn’t hurt me.
After the near-rape incident, I was depressed for a whole year. I didn’t graduate in 2014 as planned. It turned out I had to stay for an extra year to retake a course. I struggled with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and indigestion caused by depression. To pick myself back up, I read motivational books to build up my mental strength, so I wouldn’t feel as shameful for what had happened. I regained confidence, and in 2015, I graduated with honors.
After my graduation, I went back home and awaited my posting for NYSC (National Youth Service Course), a mandatory one-year service that all graduates must undergo before they could do job search. It was delayed for a year or so as my name was mistakenly omitted, so I didn’t go for it until October 2016. I was sent to Kaduna, a three-hour journey from Abuja where I was living. I was posted to a private school and was paid $55.48 a month, for which I was quite pleased.
At the beginning of th