If It Is Meant to Be
Updated: Jun 29, 2020
| This is the 270th story of Our Life Logs |
Sometimes our plans are not “our” plans. Life has a funny way of showing you that. Buckle up, because you’re in for a wild story.
My mother was a young rebel when she became pregnant at the age of 19. She gave birth to me on a cold winter afternoon in February of 1983 in New Jersey. My parents did not stay together for long, and my mother fell in love again with a military man when I was five. My birth father was largely absent from my childhood, but I had my mother and her boyfriend. When they married and merged their lives together, they agreed that four kids were plenty and they’d have no more. But as I told you, life sometimes neglects your plan. Despite taking birth control, my mother got pregnant again. They decided to terminate the pregnancy. But when my mother went for the appointment, she found out she was having twins and could not do it.
This is the reason I started hyperventilating when I was faced with the exact same decision in the exact same way…
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up.
I grew up, fell in love, and got married while I was living in Queens, New York in the early 2000s. We had a happy marriage at first, but over time, my husband became abusive, and after 12 years of enduring the toxic relationship, I finally left him in 2014. With a broken heart, a seven-year-old daughter, and a son under two, I packed our things and moved us to Nevada for a fresh start.
After I settled in Las Vegas, I reconnected with my birth father, who surprisingly offered to move in with me to help me get back on my feet. Still, life was a hassle and dating was the last thing on my mind. I would have never gone out with anyone, but my father encouraged me to keep my heart open so I could meet a nice person. And in keeping my heart open, I met my future husband, Harvey. I saw a photo of him first, and it spoke to my soul. He looked so genuine. His eyes were so warm and kind, reminding me of a smiley face. We talked on the phone for months, and by the time we met in person, we were already in love.
Everything flowed seamlessly and our dates were picture-perfect. Strangers would stare at us and smile. It just felt…so right. We met in August, and by March we could not wait any longer to become intimate with each other. And this is where the story gets interesting. Even though we had the most magical relationship, I had not introduced him to my children yet because he was like my little secret escape. Perhaps I was still keeping my guard up, thinking something would go wrong.
Then, on March 7, 2015, our protection broke. Really? After all this time of waiting, the dang thing broke? I felt like I was being punished for having sex out of wedlock. I decided to take a Plan B pill the next morning because I was so scared. I had never taken one before, so I read the directions several times to make sure I took it correctly. After how hard I’d worked to get to a stable position in life, I couldn’t bear to think that it’d all be threatened so soon.
But you can’t always control what life has planned for you. I was three weeks late when I found out I was pregnant. Honestly? I was devastated. My father had just helped me get back on my feet. What would he think of me? How could I afford another kid? Although I loved Harvey, I didn’t feel like I’d known him long enough to have his baby. He didn’t have any kids or even know about mine. Harvey was great, but he was a fantasy. In my head, I was a single mother. That’s who I was.
When I told Harvey the news, he was happy and thought this was a sign that we belonged together, but I was not so convinced. After all, I’d thought my ex-husband was the one. Harvey said the choice was mine, but that he did not support abortions, and if I terminated the pregnancy, he would end the relationship. I pleaded with him saying that we could revisit this idea when we got married down the road, but for now I wanted to take things slow. He was very hurt and started becoming withdrawn from me.
I felt so alone in my decision. Everyone but me was strangely excited at the prospect of a baby. I could not understand why my mother, father, and Mimi (my 95-year-old grandma) were all telling me to keep the baby. My mother was usually my biggest critic in life, and I could always depend on her to tell me how big of a mistake I would be making to have another child, but when she found out, she simply told me to trust God. When I told my father, he said to never make a decision out of fear, make it out of faith.
So, there I was, with everybody important in my life (except my children) telling me to go for it. I thought to myself, sure they think it’s a good idea, but they don’t have to raise this baby! I knew what a serious decision this was, and I was still set on not keeping it. So, despite everyone’s objection, I made an appointment for an abortion.
I remember stepping out on my balcony the night before my appointment. As I gazed up at the stars, I asked God to show me a sign that this was meant to be, that I should go through with this pregnancy. “Lord, show me something spectacular. Let it be twins like my mom or something that will make me know it was you,” were my exact words. I never really believed that it would happen. I was being sarcastic since that happened to my mother. I was literally just kidding.
After not answering my calls for two days, Harvey called me the day of the scheduled abortion. I hoped it was to finally be supportive, but it was just a last plea for me not to abort our child. I had already woken up feeling like maybe the abortion was a mistake, but he made me feel even worse.
I drove myself to the clinic. It was hidden in the far back of a very off-the-grid building. The pavement stopped 500 feet before the entrance, and the building looked 50 years old. When I walked inside, I was shocked to see the waiting room crowded with women, young and old. I kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing because I already had two children and it would not be fair to them for me to keep this child. How could I have another man’s baby after just leaving their father a year and a half ago? My daughter was seven when we left her dad, so she remembered him well and we were still working through those emotions.
When my name was called, I followed the nurse into the room. She said since I didn’t have a driver, I would not be able to be sedated, just numbed, and would have to be awake the entire time. I felt numb anyway, so why not keep that theme going? I tried to turn off all my emotions when I began to think about the child growing inside me. But how could I not?
The nurse explained the procedure, and asked me if I wanted to know anything about the pregnancy during the mandatory sonogram. They must perform a sonogram to make sure you are pregnant first. I told her, “Let me know if it’s twins.”
When she moved the ultrasound camera around, she shook her head in disbelief and said, “Well…” My eyebrows were scrunched together and my heart was racing. “Wow,” she continued. “A woman really does know her body. There’re two in there.” After she said that, I remember feeling hot and light-headed. I couldn’t believe it. I was a mixture of shocked, amazed, scared, confused, mad, and…excited. Here was the sign I asked for, right in my face. But how, and why now? My exact prayer to God was to confirm this pregnancy was meant to be by making it twins. Well bam, there was my answer…because it was meant to be. I told the nurse I’d changed my mind, and left the abortion clinic.
Instead of deciding in fear, I decided in faith and had my twins.
I welcomed Harvey and his dog Chocolate into our lives with open arms, and my kids loved them too. Even though I could not see it at the time, this really was a dream come true. Harvey and I got married soon after I had our twin boys, and I’ve never been happier. Together, we found a way to financially raise all four kids, and I cannot imagine life without my twins.
I have learned that, in life, there is never a “right time” to go on vacation. There is never a “right time” to have a wedding. And there is never a “right time” to have a baby. It’s all just…time. I also believe that we are all meant to be and it is our duty to pass along that gift of life whenever we are given the chance. I do believe in having a choice, but I think that the choice is sometimes made for us. If we allow it to be, life is so beautiful. Every day, I am reminded of that when I see the cute faces of my twins smiling at me. Life has a funny way of working out the unexpected—so long as you give it a chance.
This is the story of Melodie Hunter
Melodie was born in New Jersey and raised in Anchorage Alaska until the age of 12 when she moved to Virginia. She has lived several beautiful places as an adult including Los Angeles, St. Thomas and Las Vegas and she continues to fulfill her passion by writing every day as much as she can. After getting out of a toxic relationship, Melodie tried to get back on her feet when she became unexpectedly pregnant. Considering an abortion, she asked God to give her a sign if she was meant to have the baby, and the sign was twins, just like what happened to her mother. She is happy that she chose to keep her twins because it brought her family together, and she can’t imagine it any other way. Melodie was able to get a life full of love and joy because she knows how to use the best perspective throughout life and always see the glass half full. She now helps woman all over the place share their stories and live the best version of themselves.
This story first touched our hearts on February 7, 2019.
| Writer: Melodie Hunter | Editor: Kristen Petronio |
#pregnancy #twins #abortion #family #love #LasVegas #lifedecision #motherhood #relationship