Updated: Jul 8, 2020
| This is the 172nd story of Our Life Logs |
I was born in 1992 in West Bengal, India to a fairly conservative family. I was an only child and that contributed to me being a shy introvert, uncomfortable with people until my teenage years. Despite my social awkwardness, I still dreamed of having a love marriage. I watched my parents live and thrive in their traditional arranged marriage, and yet, my mind wandered. I didn’t want someone else to find a suitable match for me; instead, I wanted to meet a man—perhaps we meet by accident like in the movies, I drop a book and he picks it up—and fall in love. Did I spend hours and hours meticulously planning my future? Well, no. But I spent enough time to know that I wanted someone who was romantic, had a passion for something in his life, and was maybe just a little handsome.
In high school, I broke out of my socially awkward shell, making friends, and even dating some. By the time I went to college in a city away from my hometown, I started seeing a boy named Rajat who was just so charming and handsome, and I was confident in myself.
There was only thing keeping these early days from being oh so perfect. Let me explain.
In 2012, I was living in student housing near the university. One day as I was going to my room I met the son of the owner of the building. He seemed normal enough. Just some guitar player who had a little attitude. However, this seemingly disconnected encounter turned into my worst nightmare.
Anyway, that one imperfect thing was that same guitar player who just happened to be Rajat’s best friend, Krishanu. The closer I became to my boyfriend, the more I had to be in the presence of Krishanu. Unlike my first impression of him, Krishanu managed to trample my last nerve every time we were around each other. He was rude, arrogant, and we always butted heads. To say we could not stand each other doesn’t even come close to our distain. But, for Rajat’s sake, the two of us forced ourselves to make an effort.
Life was confusing, and everyone seemed to change. Gradually, Krishanu began sharing more about himself whenever I would spend time with him and Rajat. His arrogance faded and I saw an incredibly caring and empathetic person underneath the surface. Also, he wasn’t just some guy who played the guitar in his spare time. I learned that Krishanu had a true passion for music. Was I starting to admire the same guy I had previously despised?
As I began to accept Krishanu as a friend, my relationship with Rajat took a dark turn. He became manipulative and controlling. When he wasn’t telling me what to do, he was wanting to know where I had been. His actions were horrible and made me feel so small and weak. But I thought I loved him and we could make it work. Krishanu became the person I could share my frustrations with. Over time he made me see that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way Rajat was treating me, I didn’t have to take it. I stood up to Rajat more, but this only made things worse between us.
I soon realized I had bigger problem than just the awful way Rajat treated me, I had developed feelings for Krishanu. We talked and though he had feelings for me as well, we decided we could not move forward. After all, Krishanu knew Rajat long before I was ever in the picture, and honestly, I still cared for Rajat even if he had been so awful. Krishanu and I decided to break off contact. In the end, though, I don’t think anything could have saved my relationship with Rajat. We broke up not long after Krishanu and I went our separate ways.
Thus began the worst period of my life. I had lost Rajat, a man, who as horrible as he could be, had been someone who I once held dear. And worse, I lost Krishanu, a great friend. I was all alone. My devastation turned into sickness, both physically and mentally. It was so bad that I had to miss the final exams for my second year and had to redo the entire year of classes.
Eventually, I began to pick up the shattered pieces of my life. For years, I dated halfheartedly, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Krishanu. Every man I went out with ended up seeming like the faint ghost of the man I truly wanted, never enough to satisfy, or make me forget.
As my love life faltered, my parents said it was time to give up on my foolish idea of a love marriage and accept a nice traditional arranged marriage. They began showing me some potential suitors, and maybe they were fine, but I always found some flaw, some reason to reject them. Saying yes would mean giving up hope on true love.
Finally, my parents had enough. They set up a meeting with a man and his parents at my uncle’s house and I went (because I really didn’t have a choice). As we arrived, I met the man my parents wanted me to spend the rest of my life with. He was obnoxious and far from handsome. It lasted 15 minutes before I literally ran out of there. When I say this now, it’s kind of funny to picture my little legs scooting away from that mess. However, no one was laughing at the time. My act of disrespect embarrassed my parents deeply, and I brought great shame on my family.
I didn’t know what to do. My parents kept pressuring me to choose an arranged marriage despite the disaster at my uncle’s house, but I wasn’t ready to give up on love. Yes, it had been almost five years since I had last seen Krishanu, but try as I might, my heart still ached for him. I was lost and confused.
In 2016, I was on vacation when I received a notice on my phone that I had a friend request. I opened the notice and my heart stopped. It was from Krishanu. My mind raced. “Calm down,” I told myself. “Be patient, you don’t want to seem too eager, like you were just waiting for this moment.” So, in order not to seem too desperate, I waited a grand total of 10 seconds before accepting his friend request. We began to talk.
It turns out he, like me, had tried to move on, but was always reminded of the memories and feelings we had for each other. Every woman he tried dating was unable to fill the void I left in his heart. Finally, he decided that, consequences be damned, he would find me and see if love could find a way.
And oh, there were consequences. Rajat blocked both of us on social media, and completely stopped speaking to Krishanu. It was like being cut off from a brother. When my parents found out, they were livid. The only thing that kept me going was the support and empathy from Krishanu, and the love I was able to give him. Over time, my parents grew to see just how much Krishanu and I loved each other and accepted our relationship.
The good of beginning our relationship outweighed the bad—tenfold. Krishanu encouraged me to chase my dreams. When we started dating I was working in a sales job that I hated but with Krishanu’s persistence and support, I left the comfortable drudgery and began working as a content writer. He helped realize my passion, while he still held tight to his own passion for music. We began making plans to one day open a small business together creating music and writing content. Life tasted sweeter.
We had been together for about half a year when my birthday month came along. Krishanu told me he had a special gift for me. My heart swelled. He had written a song and as he began to play and sing, I started crying. It was so beautiful and made me feel so special. When he reached the end of the song, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had never been so happy in my entire life. It took a few seconds before I could find the words that I wanted to shout. “Yes! A thousand times, yes!”
You have to trust that love—true love—will find you, it just can’t be rushed. But in the end, it will reach you, no matter what obstacles life puts in its way. Just be ready when it does—oh, and maybe wait 10 seconds before you say yes, you don’t want to appear too eager.
This is the story of Oiendrila Chatterjee
Oiendrila grew up dreaming of having a love marriage, but her social awkwardness when she was young and her parents’ desire for an arranged marriage made this dream seem unlikely. When she finally found the man of her dreams she was in a toxic relationship with his best friend. After years apart, trying to move on, they rekindled the love they felt. Oiendrila will have the love marriage she dreamed of in December, 2018. She works as a content writer and hopes to open a small business with her future husband focusing on music production and content writing. In her free time, Oiendrila also enjoys painting and traveling.
This story first touched our hearts on October 1, 2018.
| Writer: Adam Savage | Editor: Colleen Walker |